1969 - A Troublesome Triangle

Thursday, Jan 2nd – Thaw, thank goodness. Cyril yesterday for Ministry of Transport inspection, 3 new tyres and licence up to £25 from £17 10s. Ruinous.

[See Index of names at end of this post]

1958 July-September

Married at last, and a new job - teaching maladjusted children.

 

Tuesday, July 1st

    Decided to put ads in Times Educational Supplement and New Statesman - latter for a progressive school.

    Mary has lumbago - not surprizing in view of weather. She is very sad about her father's hostility. He hardly speaks to her at the weekend, and if he does often makes a nasty remark, such as he can't think why she bothers to come home at all. This period ought to be very happy and it is in fact very gloomy.

 

Saturday, July 12th

    Mary's father thawing a bit and has asked her home for weekend after sending a message through mother, who was away to her brother's, that he did not need her. Went to the Registrar and arranged to be married to Mary at 3.30 next Wednesday afternoon. Cyril asked for it earlier as he would be late for his tea. Mary said it was her wedding and he could jolly well wait for for once for his tea!

 

Wednesday, July 16th

     Dull at first, cloud and some drizzle. Cleared later but muggy and oppressive. Met Mary for coffee at "the High". She looked pale but was cheerful. Her father had come round at last (though it would have saved wear and tear all round if he had done so sooner) and sent her an amiable letter with fifteen pounds.

    After lunch, while I was changing into my dark suit, a storm rolled up from the north-west. By 2.30 it was pouring down in sheets and it was lightning and thundering every few minutes. Mary wore a grey coat and skirt with a cream silk blouse and had made a charming jasmine spray. When we reached the Register Office, Cyril and Kay were waiting in the car outside. We were shown into a pleasantly furnished room with plants in pots and some watercolours on the walls. The Superintendent Registrar now appeared smartly dressed in a black suit with a grey silk tie and a rose in is buttonhole. We stood and declared that there was no impediment to our marriage and in turn that we took the other as husband and wife in the presence of witnesses. I the put the ring I had bought long ago on Mary's finger with the engagement ring. Mary was very pale and obviously moved as she made her declaration. We signed the register, as did the witnesses. Mary was handed her marriage lines and the Registrar and the Superintendent shook hands and wished us happiness. It was a short and simple but dignified ceremony.

    We drive back to tea at 64. Tea was laid in the study and there we found to our surprize and pleasure that Kay had got us a wedding cake. After tea we went into the sodden garden and took photographs. 

    At 6.45 met Kay and Cyril at the White Hart, Nettlebed, for dinner. We had sherry followed by Graves, Grape Fruit, Chicken, Raspberries and Ice Cream. The whole cost £3=9=6. About 9 Mary and I saw the Peaches off and set out for the flat. I told Mary I would try to make her a good husband and she said she would try to make me a good wife. Then home to Cyril's. 

 

Saturday, July 19th

    When I opened my post in bed I found a letter from a Mrs Moeran, Adlestrop Park, asking if I would like to teach a group of emotionally disturbed boys. She could offer good married accommodation. I immediately got out of bed and rang her up, told her I was coming and caught the first train to Kingham.

    I arrived not long after Mrs M had been to fetch an absconder from Didcot Police Station. The children appeared to be very emotionally disturbed by this incident indeed and it was some time before Mrs M was able to cope with me. The house was bare but clean. We had a pot of tea and then saw the natives, one party was splashing in a static water tank and cutting their bare feet on broken glass, another lot were climbing trees and others making a camp. We saw the gardens. The cottage had three small bedrooms, sitting room, kitchen, and downstairs W.C. cum bathroom. It was wired for power. 

    I liked Mrs M though I was not sure how scatty she was. You had, as she said, to be "emotionally unattached". Came home very favourably impressed with the cottage and position but wondered how we would cope with the maladjusted in close proximity. By the time I had answered all the questions Kay, Cyril an Mary asked, I felt maladjusted myself. Came home early to pack for honeymoon.

 

Sunday, July 20th

    We made an early start and ate Kay's excellent lunch on Salisbury Plain. Before this we went to look at the cranes and gear by which they had just raised the fallen trilithon at Stonehenge. Felt it would pay every time for more extensive re-erection, but even this modest effort has raised opposition in the press. 

    Turned off for Exmouth along the crest of Woodbury Common. The front, of course, was very crowded on a Sunday afternoon both with cars and people, but the view from our big bay window on the second floor [of Summer's Hotel] was magnificent, the whole sweep of the coast to Berry Head and the ever-changing tides of the estuary. Mary was enchanted. We sat in two armchairs in the window till the lights came on along the Promenade like strings of coloured beads.

    This was the first night of our honeymoon, the first, except once in April, for nearly a year. It was so lovely and satisfying and Mary was sweet and womanly. We both felt that happiness which is close to tears in the bodily fulfilment of lying together.

 

Tuesday, July 22nd

    To Shillingford to see Mother's and Father's grave and the Rectory, to Dunchideok for the screen and up to Haldon Belvedere. The view magnificent.

 

Wednesday, July 23rd

    Went on a trip along the coast towards Sidmouth in the M/V Devon Queen - was most enjoyable but saw how impossible Ladram Bay has become as I peered at the dense mass on the beach through my field glasses. In the afternoon we went to tea with Maud. Everyone very pleasant but I would have preferred to have had Maud on her own.

 

Tuesday, July 29th

    It was 19 years since I had been to Western Gap. It had always been an enchanted spot since Molly and I discovered it in the 1920's. It was so lonely then that we sometimes bathed without dresses. I wanted Mary to see it and hoped that it had not been exploited and spoilt like Sandy Bay and Ladram Bay. My heart sank to find a score of caravans by the farm at the top of the coombe and a concrete track half way down. We went down the path by the stream, very slippery after yesterday's rain, but all overgrown with hartstongue. This had not been altered; nor had the beach. There were a few people by the mouth, but the western end was deserted. The waves broke on the shingle beach and above us towered the red, green and grey cliffs circled by the kestrels. It was a firemaker's paradise, as it always used to be.  

 

Bank Holiday Monday, August 4th

    Drove Mary over to Oxford for lunch at Bainton Road. Mr Pierce was polite this time, but he's obviously a very spoilt old gentleman who has always got his own way and laid down the law to his family. I do not like him and I do not think he likes me in his house, either. Mary wisely went on with her ploys in the garden with him while I talked to her mother, whom I liked very much and kissed on departing.

 

Thursday, Aug 7th

    To Kingham by 2.30. Mrs Moeran waiting on platform. To Adlestrop in brake with a seat for Mary only and I had to perch on the wheel casing. Not very good for one's spine! We had a look at the cottage and then tea with Mrs M. and vague discussion of work, then Mary left to measure while I talked to Mrs M alone. Mary favourably impressed, bigger than she had imagined. Mrs M offered me the job and I accepted it. Hope I can stick it, that's all! Mary thought Mrs M very affected and wooly.

 

Sunday, Aug 10th

    Over to Henley Grammar School for the first time since I left. Found Tom and Len at home. Lipscombe away. Tom insisted on showing me the study: deep pile carpet, new paint, new fireplace, modern furniture, including chairs and desk, but walls covered with Cambridge groups all featuring the great what's it. Query? Mental age 20+. 

 

Tuesday, Aug 12th

    Bad day at Black Rock! A letter arrived from the Times Book Club saying they were closing the Reading Branch. Not unexpected, for there is not much future for the subscription library in the welfare state with an excellent public library service. Thought Mary would be glad to be relieved of it. I certainly shall after 18 years of listening to the difficulties of running it! Then there was the old perennial difficulty of coming quickly to what seems to me the simplest and most straight forward decision, like buying a pot of distemper. This has to be debated and approached with the most fearful caution, so that everything (again it seems to me) is made twice as hard work.

    There was hardly a smile all day. After supper tried to discuss cottage with Mary. I wanted a Dimplex radiator. She did not seem anxious to. I woke up in the middle of the early morning with a pain in my stomach and felt mentally awful. Lay awake and felt it was all a failure. Mary got out of bed, so I told her what I felt - that to keep her jollied up I needed enough gaiety for two. It was like rolling a heavy stone up hill and with the strain of a new job (of which I had grave doubts) I felt I could barely cope. 

 

Wednesday, Aug 13th

    Mary to Head Office. Branch to be closed end of September. Letter to be sent out end of month. Mary pleaded not to send them while she was there, so she was told she could leave a week early, which suits us very well as she can get flat ready for move.

 

Sunday, Aug 17th

     Drove with carpets, distemper and Mary to Adlestrop, rather over 2 hours, 112 miles. Green carpet [from School House, Henley] fitted sitting room, relieved to know. Went to see Mr Price with cleft palate who doubled in the role of stationmaster and postmaster. He agreed to distemper sitting room and two bedrooms. Measured windows for curtains and floors for lino. 

    Decided must have separate bedrooms. Mary could not cope with my snores. Depressed about this. Second bedroom gloomy and bad shape so nothing for it but tiny bedroom which will just take bed and chest of drawers. Outlook at back over a thistle patch surrounded by trees. Got very tried standing about and driving 100 miles. Find it very difficult to cope with Mary's painful slowness, did not get supper till 8.30, and her reluctance to make up her mind. Result: another attack of depression, snored (?), Mary did not sleep. Felt married life not what I had hoped! Must take rough with the smooth.

 

Wednesday, Aug 20th

    Visited Ministry of Labour to see if I could get unemployment pay. Wood (late of fifth form, 1957) issued me with a card and instructed me about signing on on Wednesdays and Fridays. "This situation Wood", I said, "is not without its comic side!"

 

Friday, August 22nd

    To Ministry of Labour to sign on. Had to go early as going up to London to get new belt and meet Hilary. Allowed to do so as clerk said I had an honest face. He informed me that did not pay out before 12 as claimants put money on horses!

    Hilary arrived with a short beard and a fine fuzzy whisker. Told him on no account to remove it before photographed. Had been to Knossos, Olympia, Delphi, Mycenae. Particularly enjoyed Crete, to which flew, then back by Naples, Pompei, Florence, Pisa, Genoa, Turin.

 

Friday, Aug 29th

    Went round to the flat and found Mary very lit up after sherry party at Heelas, which after all the moaning and groaning and complaining, she had thoroughly enjoyed. Some one had given her an early morning tea set the same as our dinner service. She had various other presents and many appreciative letters.

 

Saturday, August 30th

    Mary returned to sleep at St Edwards- very tired. Her last day at the Library after 33 years (aet. 15 to 48). [First years, however, in Times Library in Oxford].

 

Wednesday, Sept 3rd

    Wilk came over to coffee this morning, bringing a copy of her new biology book. It suddenly occurred to me that this might be the answer to variety in work. Why not elementary biology! 

    Very busy the last three days shopping and packing up flat. The men arrive to pick up Mary's stuff at flat tomorrow and move off at beginning of day on Saturday.

 

Friday, Sept 5th

    Started at eight. Kay to my surprize overcome with emotion on saying goodbye.  Cyril did not appear as he was lying in bed listening to the news! When we got to Adlestrop found the van already there. The foreman immediately told us that the wardrobe would not go up the stairs and he did not think the beds would either. Mrs Moeran was not there and had done nothing. The water did not work properly, the electricity had not been connected, the cottage had not been cleaned, the back door had no key. Mrs Moeran was vague to the point of half-wittedness and disappeared to the top of the house, where she was difficult to find. The men said they thought they might be able to get the bed through the upstairs window if a ladder could be found. With much difficulty this was procured  but it would not go up. They proposed to saw off the legs, but I suggested the supports of the head boards instead. With this they finally got them in, much to our relief. The wardrobe proved impossible and was put in the next, empty cottage. 

 

Tuesday, Sept 9th

    We worked hard at the weekend, cleaning, putting up curtains, trying to find out what tradesmen delivered, when buses ran and so on. In Stow found a fireman who was ex cabinetmaker and he dismantled and reassembled the wardrobe, much to Mary's relief.

 

Thursday, Sept 18th

    The cottage delightful; the maladjusted horrible. Had to tell Mary I would probably pack up! 30 periods teaching, no free periods, one grown up for two periods at a time, on finishing teaching 4.15, on duty to 8.30 - is just not good enough. Mrs M vague and affected, art man might come in a year! no matron, no other teacher except "Whisker", Mr Hemming, who refuses to do anything indoors. Alas, too, Mrs M no organizer or expositor. Knows the snags of eggs at tea, extra bread, etc, but fails to warn you so you are always left to find out the hard way from your mistakes.

    I am maladjusted to the maladjusted, I've concluded. They quarrel, fight and scream (with or without bad language) continually. Each one is convinced he is being unfairly treated and in consequence the whole group is on a hair trigger, one extra spoonful of jam, one mild criticism, and the whole lot go up in  flames. There is no "give" and it is all "take". Tea is a shambles, but because knives or milk bottles are not actually thrown,  Mrs M seems satisfied.

    Any attempt to prevent whistling and singing in my group means turning people out and this provokes endless accusations, denials and recriminations. This has all to be gone into, Mrs M appears to think, and an attempt made to reason with the malads, who are masters of lying, equivocation, and self-exceptionalism, "Please, Sir, it wasn't me, it was him."

    After a few days of this my mind got so tired I just could not think, or answer the simplest questions, when I staggered across to the cottage at supper time. I was not used to the atmosphere of lies and double dealing. Sometimes it seemed a hateful place and I dreaded going back to teaching these hooligans. I realized with a shock that it was days since I had found time to look at the sky or do any reading apart from the preparation of lessons, which I have taken more trouble over for these bastards than I ever did for the first forms at HGS!

 

Saturday, Sept 20th

    Not a good day yesterday. Trouble with the sulky Michael and the evil John (son of stevedore who had been gaoled for attempted murder of his wife, and to us from a children's mental hospital), but able to sit down a bit more and felt less exhausted physically. 

    Mr and Mrs Pierce came to lunch. it was difficult to keep the old man away from the boys, but highly necessary! After seeing them off from Kingham after tea we drove to Icomb and Bourton on the Water. Alas! a great modern school has been built next to the Crab's cottage and the whole placed tripperized by the coach companies. 

  

Sunday, Sept 21st

    To church in morning. Lennie tried to crawl under the seat to attack the boys in front.

 

Monday, Sept 22nd

    Back to gangsters. Tea was high class today, no bottles or knives hurled across the table. Graham used his milk straw as a phallus. Like Queen Victoria, I was not amused. Still don't know if help is at hand.

 

Tuesday, Sept 23rd

    Help arrived in the person of Dr Barrington, music, Dublin. A very queer cove who looked as if, and indeed he may have come out of a mental hospital.

 

Wednesday, Sept 24th

    Managed to get 20 minutes with Mrs M in her flat. Am to do nothing after tea about 6.30. Dr B will then take over.

 

Thursday, Sept 25th

     Got on better with lessons. Managed to sit more and when Graham mocked me before tea gave a great shout and sent him to dormitory. This rather frightened the natives.

 

Sunday, Sept 28th

    Church not so good. A fight developed on the way back. Katherine, who was reading the lessons, broke down and the rest started giggling. Anyway, while supervising the letter writing, did get the blackboard raised, which means i shall not have to kneel down to write on it!

 

Monday, Sept 29th

    Not much fun teaching the niggers. Had to turn Michael out for making remarks. I went to take over my class at 4.15. no one turned up for half an hour. Felt frustrated and unhappy, which I have not often felt in teaching.

 

Tuesday, Sept 30th

    My first afternoon off till tea at 6.0. As usual in this place there was a hitch. No baker had called and there was only one slice of bread each. Dates and biscuits were issued. and half an orange. I took care to dole out the dates myself, but there was trouble with the orange skins and the unspeakable Michael smeared his face with milk and then wiped it on his sleeve, John started beating up two small boys when my back was turned, and Graham started screaming, finally the epileptic David refused point blank to do what I asked him. In the end I had four people out. Came back to supper fed with niggers as usual.

1958 April - June

What a trial parents are! Mary's father cuts up rough. 
Thursday, April 3rd
   My darling Mary arrived about 5.30. A lovely dinner, afterwards hair clipped and trimmed, then feet soaked and skin removed, toe nails cut and socks changed.

Good Friday, April 4th
   Walked round garden in sun and east wind. Must have fresh air! After lunch we lay on  my bed for first time for three months till tea was brought in. Had my hair washed. Very set up. This was the longest time we had together since January, but at 6.0 she had to go. Hated it and felt very sad and lonely.

Saturday, April 5th
   Got Miss Morris to buy me a pair of plywood tongs from the Baths - 9/6, which I thought plenty. Still with these I could could manage pants, trousers, everything except shoelaces.

Monday, April 14th
   To Woodlands. The bisected corset was opened and snapped off. A fresh jacket was put on after I was well oiled. This too was bisected and taken off to be used as cast for polythene model. I was rather surprized to learn that this will take six weeks.

Sunday, April 20th
   France has no government. It has been thrown out by a coalition of Communists and extreme right over Algeria. They cannot form a government, but they can prevent the centre-right from doing so. France has become the problem child of N.A.T.O. The French cannot win the war against the Algerian rebels, but no minister dare admit this. They have a bear by the tail and can't let go.

Monday, April 21st
   Doctor, to my great surprize and pleasure, said he saw no reason why I should not drive the car for short distances when I got back to Reading.
   Waited anxiously to hear whether for Mary had told her parents of our intended wedding. She had!! When they had had time to think it over, they were pleased. All these years Mary has had to bear the burden of concealment from her parents. Now it has been lifted. I am so relived and delighted for her sake as well as my own.

Tuesday, April 22nd
   A letter from Mr Pim. The decree became absolute yesterday, 4 weeks after nisi. Very curious to feel bachelor again. Wrote to Mary after lunch and sent her Pim's letter. 

Saturday, April 26th
    Caught the 1.31 from Droitwich. Very thrilled with sight of real county, lambs, primroses, cowslips, the Cotswolds and Oxford. Mary met me on the platform at Reading to help me down the stairs and put me in a taxi for St Edwards where I arrived for tea.

Monday, April 28th
   Got out car from garage and all things considered found it easier and more comfortable to drive than I expected after seven months. We pottered along to Nettlebed and by Huntercombe to the Long Grasses. We walked up to the barn. On the way up the hill we saw a male hare chasing a female. Every time he caught up with her and clasped her round the middle ready to begin, she broke away and the pursuit recommenced. This happened three or four times in the middle of the great field of winter corn. Finally they disappeared, still pursuer and pursued, over the skyline. We had never seen anything like this before in watching hares on the Downs. Mary laughed and asked me how I would like to run and run but never catch up!

Tuesday, April 29th
    Drove through Henley bold as brass about half past eleven. Met no sunken rocks. Through Marlow to Cliveden. I have never seen it more lovely at any time. It was heaven to be with Mary among all this beauty.

Thursday, May Day
   Mary over to Oxford to help complete spring cleaning. She asked me not to write as her father would be curious about letters.

Sunday, May 4th
   Met Mary at flat at 9.30 to hear her news. It was disappointing. When she got home full of her holiday in the earlier part of the week, she found her father in a tizzy. He had spent his time chewing over all the possible snags - "no job, living on capital, giving up her job at the library, carried away". I am glad to say she told him she was no longer a girl, but a mature woman of 48 who might be expected to know her own mind. Her mother sounded much more sensible, but does not count for a great deal. As he said they had been told nothing, I thought my long letter (to them) rather wasted.

Wednesday, May 7th
   To supper with Mary at Cyril's. Much amused by case of woman shut in  lavatory at Harlow, who appealed to the High Court. She tried to get out over the top, but had to give up. Climbing from the seat she had trodden on the toilet roll. This had revolved and she had fallen. Judgement was 75% council's fault and 25% her fault for treading on the roll!

Wednesday, May 14th
   To Oxford by 8.30 Cathedrals Express. It suddenly occurred to me to visit Mary's parents, so rang them up. I got rather an unexpected reception. Mrs Pierce was nice and friendly, but Mr Pierce was as awkward as he knew how to be and cross questioned me in a distinctly hostile way.  Nothing was right! No home, no job, no money! Was I proposing to "live on his daughter". Was I living "on friends""?  Was I even properly divorced or only separated? I told him I was divorced but refused to go into details. Had I left the grammar school because of divorce? Was there a scandal?  Everything I said was twisted to my disadvantage, whether he knew what he was talking about or not, even the fact that I had not taken my M.A.!    
   I was polite, did not answer back, and kept my temper,  but after an hour of trying to break out of this conversational circular track by references to the garden, the cat, my family, I left. I had had more than enough of this very difficult old gentleman, who accused me at one point of "keeping something back" and made me wonder whether he suspected me of having got Mary with child!

Tuesday, May 20th
   Today heard from Mary. As I feared Mr Pierce had attacked her on Saturday and gone over the same old ground again. "I had not told them anything" and so on. "We were not to get married in July. If we did neither of us would be welcome in his house again!" I wrote to her and said that if every weekend between now and July is to be taken up with an argument about our marriage, it might be an idea to go to the Registry Office and settle the matter. I am very sorry. It is hard on Mary's mother and might with a little good will have been so different and happier for all concerned. He will probably now set to work to dig out the case to find out what were the grounds and who's the correspondent. Much good that will do anyone!

Saturday, May 24th
   Saw Mary off at 5.30 for Oxford. Told her to come back to Reading if necessary and phone me. She was fortified with some pink sleeping pills. No use lying awake all night as happened last Saturday.

Whit Monday, May 26th
      The French possibly on verge of civil war. Algeria in revolt, followed by Corsica. Army of doubtful loyalty. De Gaulle ready to assume power, whereon Communists to declare a strike. "Oh, I don't know", as Cyril keeps saying of his staff difficulties!

Tuesday, May 27th
   A very nice letter from Lady Helen who said she now has a "distaste' for Henley Grammar School. Don't wonder! Another from Denys Thompson, who had been ill with blood pressure. Denys said he liked quiet, but his wife (a town councillor) and family did not. Mary amused me by pointing out that most of my married friends, when told I have been divorced, write to tell me how difficult their wives are!
   A lovely day. Sat out in the sun in the garden in the afternoon, but my left arm hurt and I had an attack of depression, thought what a dreadful year since August it has really been. The family row at Oxford raises its ugly head just when we were planning to get married. Mary's mother had an attack of sickness last week. She had hardly arrived when her Father remarked that he did not think her mother would be long with them. Piling on the agony, I say. An armed truce prevailed, but Mrs Pierce spoke of me and realized that I had spent the weekend alone while Mary went home to scrub - and arrived back on Sunday night absolutely knocked. Mrs Pierce's migraine probably brought on by his bad temper and abuse of Mary on Saturday a week ago. What a trial parents are!

Wednesday, June 4th
   To Clivedon with tea. Rhododendrons magnificent. On the way back we called in on the Wilk in Henley. She was very excited by our appearance and never stopped talking. She had refused to accept job as senior mistress when Cherry got a job in Slough, though almost bullied into it by Lipscombe, until Majorie Hunter told her she would be letting the side down. He has now appointed a woman from Gillots. He is a cad!
   De Gaulle voted into power by the Assembly under threat of civil war, goes to Algiers. Will he be able to enforce a settlement?

Friday, June 20th
   Last day of the bus strike so had to meet Nora at Paddington. Fortunately the rain stopped so we were able to eat sandwiches in a garden near the station. I had not seen Nora since the middle of last November and had forgotten how old she looked and how pale her face was. She said she was much happier and settled.

Sunday, June 23rd
    Cherry, looking chalk-white and twitching, came to tea. The A.M.A. secretary had visited Lipscombe and one hopes put the fear of God into him.

Tuesday, June 24th
   Gabbitas, fat partner like Prince Regent but most amiable, produced card from 1929. Ink went a bit faded. Went through the particulars, very apologetic when asking for a reference. [Gabbitas & Thring, a job agency for teachers]
   After lunch set off to Euston Square to find out about pension. Thought I would whizz up in the lift and have a word with Miss Hastings, the A.M.A. secretary who interviewed Lipscombe. It was worth it. She was a splendid person of great integrity. Lipscombe seemed to her immature, like a school prefect, and very ill advised. She told him he could not set his judgement against 20 years of experience (me) or the Ministry's report (Lady H) and that he knew nothing of co-education, so she may have made a slight scratch on the rhinoceros hide of his self conceit.

Friday, June 27th
   Called on Marjorie Hunter yesterday and told her of Miss Hastings. While there Doreen Cook came in and gave a warm invitation to go and see them. Marjorie H said Clem, now made deputy head, had come out of it very badly; "always thought he was queer, now know he is crooked as well."

Sunday, June 29th
   Wettest June for 60 years, floods and swollen rivers.

1958 January-March

The Diarist undergoes a hellish stretch treatment for sciatica. His successor at Henley "a twerp."

Wednesday, January 1st
   This is the first time I have really been exposed to television. It is a great evil! Our manners, speech and morals have been sapped by American films. Now the films have got inside the home, for 75% of the television material is American - hour after hour of crooners, variety and gangsters. Maud complained, but still she looked. There was a rather pathetic expectancy about her, as though something good or interesting might be round the corner. It never was.
   
Thursday, Jan 2nd
   Went into Exeter for the second time and called on Wilfrid. He was sitting up and seemed better, but much too fat I thought. He said his brother Bernhard in De le Rue's had made a million last year in Formica. But they sometimes slipped up. During the war a Czech refugee tried to interest them in a pen. The experts said it would never go and there was nothing in it. His name was Biro!

Sunday, Jan 12th
   Came down to Droitwich. This tile in rooms at The Mount. A Victorian house full of draughts.

Sunday, Jan 19th
   A bad week! Aunt died last Wednesday after months of misery. The lawyer forwarded the will. It was pretty stupid. Aunt had divided her one third of the estate, given the South African one half and divided the other half between Molly and me. For some reason the lawyer had told me the house had been left to Molly and me, so I was very disappointed. Molly gets father's one third anyway; I get half of half of one third!
   Then my leg! By Monday evening I could hardly get upstairs. I rang Dr Dawson and told him what had happened, but he told me to go on till Wednesday. Had a bath on Friday and by Saturday was in a state bordering on 1942. For the last 48 hours have been living on aspirin every hour or so. A cheerful outlook indeed.

Thursday, Jan 23rd - Mary on day visit
   At lunch time the taxi I had ordered drove Mary to the door. Oh, I did want to see her so badly. We had lunch together and then I lay on the settee and she sat beside me in the armchair so we could touch one another. We were both tremendously happy and had so much to talk about that it was soon tea time and an hour later it was time to say goodbye. It was so satisfying and worthwhile, her physical presence, her womanhood, her voice, her warmth irradiated the room and made everything different.

Friday, Jan 24th
   Molly arrived from Longhope to discuss Aunt's affairs. She describe the journey to Luton Parish Church*, the arrival of the Rolls Royce with Aunt and three men from Watford, the massive stone vault in the now disused churchyard, the procession across the road and the placing of Aunt as she wished with her parents and her twin brother, who did not survive. The last time the vault was opened was in 1914. Aunt neither went with her mother to see the Harley St doctor when her cancer was diagnosed nor to the funeral. She always avoided anything unpleasant. Mother had to do both poor dear. She told me how ghastly it was driving from Watford to Chatam behind the hearse.
  
Sunday, Feb 2nd
   A dreadful night! Leg got worse. Doctor came round about 10.30. He was very kind as by this time I was liable to cry at any moment. He told me to take the aspirin every two hours and gave me some new yellow pills to take very four hours.
   Mary C told me Lipscombe did not bother to come to the choir competition, from which he excluded the Fifth Form, because, forsooth, he had to see an accountant about a pass book. He is an outsize twerp, that man. Marjorie W says he never looks at you when is talking to you. He has sacked Mrs Loader, who first knew this when she read it in the Henley Standard! Though not very bright, she was a good sort, so I wrote and said that I would act as a referee if she wanted one. Mary C is applying for three jobs and wants testimonials, and also Wilk. The best testimonials are those you write yourself, so I drafted two and sent them to them for corrections and additions.

Monday, Feb 3rd
   Another frightful night. By time dawn broke I was completely exhausted and defeated. Doctor thought I should go to an orthopaedic surgeon, but in the meantime he was going to stick needles in my buttock this afternoon.

I take up my pen to complete my Diary two months later.

Tuesday, Feb 4th
   Sat for over an hour in the Birmingham bus to New Street. By the time I got there I was completely crippled, but with aid of a stick shuffled slowly the 150 yards to the taxi rank and drove to the surgeon's. Dr Dawson suggested I should go in to the general ward of the Woodlands Orthopaedic Hospital.

Wednesday, Feb 5th
   First the almoner - my religion? None! Next of kin? Mary. Phone number? Cyril. Lady? Fiancée. So Mary was let into the ward with me. "We've said goodbye in queer places, but never before in a hospital ward," I said.
   Put into bed like a board and a small hard pillow put under my back. From then till 11 that night had ample time to contemplate the company. On my right was a low spiv-like type called Tony, whose main occupation seemed baiting a jowly, elderly navvy-like man opposite. The discussion of football and betting went on endlessly. I thought how advanced education and membership of the middle class separates one from the majority of the population!
   A noisy night followed. I was given something, but slept little and woke about 5 a. m. when activity started in earnest. Later when the sister came round, I discovered there was a private ward and asked to be moved there. I had had enough of the noise, farting, belching and straining. Privacy was cheap at £18 a week I thought.
   Most of the beds were wheeled out to the physiotherapy department and last of all I went to a small room where my legs were bound mummy-like from hip to thigh with elastoplast. Then about 12 o'clock, with my arms round a nurse's shoulder, I hobbled down to my bed in room no. 5, a mirror was fastened over my head and I was given dinner. Later weights were attached to my ankles and the foot of the bed raised so I slipped against the drag of the weights. This was my position for three weeks. "Do not upon the rack after this harsh world stretch him out longer."

Friday, Feb 7th
   My first night "on traction" was a horror. I was given two shots of morphia, the last of which knocked me out completely till near lunch time. I had placed Mary's photo on the ledge over the radiator by my bed. I was so miserable with the pain and the morphia that when one of the nurses asked me if it was my wife I burst into tears. She was an angel in disguise and told me about her husband and how for years he thought he was going to die till I felt much better. Little Irish Nurse Brinsley then explained the treatment and what I was supposed to do. Two real understanding women - "the little unrewarded acts of kindness and love," as Wordsworth would have said. Nurse Harris, plain though you were, you had a heart of gold and I shall not easily forget you!

Sunday, Feb 23rd
   Sister Reilly did not appear for the first three or four days and was away for one whole week. She was an Irish Roman Catholic of poor education  with much powder and paint and a soft but nagging voice. She made up for what must have been a sense of inferiority by a pompous manner and an evasive eye. Like Molotov, she believed in saying no on principle, even to the simplest requests, and denying responsibility. Not an intolerant person naturally, I grew to detest her.

Feb 28th - April 1st
   I had been in traction for three weeks, so I was taken up in bed to be plastered. You were suspended from your shoulders at one end a steel bracket between your fork at the other. The plasterers worked as a team with extreme speed, and it was worth coming up to see the plastering sister, who in her operation coif concealing her hair looked most beautiful. For two days you dried out in a cage with lights and hot bottles. This was most unpleasant. I passed the morning of March 1st lying flat on my face sweating like a bullock and feeling sick. After a few days the pressure of the bracket and the hardness of the plaster produced a sore on my tail which was painful and difficult to get rid of. Sister Reilly lost face because the night nurse noted it on the report and vented her annoyance on me. The patient was always wrong!
On March 8th I was got out of bed. A large chair was produced and I was left sitting on it for for two and a half hours because Sister Reilly had everyone spring cleaning. When I was finally got up I was in agony and received a definite set back. Wrong again; I was told, though swathed in blankets and on a slippery floor, I should have got up and walked around the room!
   After three weeks of this I could stand in the plaster room for a second closer-fitting one to be put on. I feared more sores from pressure but though uncomfortable none arrived. After I got my legs a bit I could get over to the w.c. and let myself down cautiously by handles in the wall and gradually my inside started to work again regularly, but it was extremely difficult in my plaster to wipe. This was one of the many minor frustrations with which one was beset, among them feeding, washing, writing letters.
   Nurse Willis order an ambulance for Tuesday, April 1st. It was supposed to arrive at 10 but with typical hospital perversity it arrived at 1:15. Reached Droitwich between 2 and 3 o'clock. While in Woodlands I saw Mr Allan, the surgeon, about twice a week. Sometimes he came in before operating in his theatre gown. He had himself been in the next room with the low back pain on traction about a year ago, so he knew what it was like. He stayed and chatted to me several times because he knew I had few visitors. I told him I felt deeply grateful to him for freeing me from the awful pain in January.

1951 March

March. Pro-Russian Mr Browne. Tailor's tale. Channel no longer the front line.  Michael Droun and Alpe in Henry VI; Eric  C's triumph. Jimmie McBurnie. 

Friday, March 2nd

              Last night went to supper with the Brownes at Assenden. A good meal, but house fearfully chilly and got a cold and to end the evening fell into the ditch outside the garden fence. Pa Browne pro Russian and thinks they are reacting to bad treatment by the West and has high hopes (why?) of settlement and disarming after the foreign ministers’ meeting.

              Mary gave me Memoirs of Chrystianne de Chaton, an Edwardian demi mondaine. In my house conversation was free but in good taste. Mentioning one day that I provided two kinds of papier hygiénique, my friend Prince Pianonobile said, "I too – The Times and Le Figaro”

Sunday, March 4th

              Reading Ivor Brown’s Shakespeare, a fascinating work, I think. Count up and find I have seen 25 of Shakespeare’s plays. Came to conclusion that Claudio’s speech on death in Measure for Measure must have echoes of Dante. Ivor Brown does not seem to have thought of this, so wrote to him.

Monday, March 5th

              Went to Reading with Irish tweed. The tailor agreed to make up a jacket for me. Told me how the price of cloth was rocketing and the wholesalers were putting the price of their stocks up every few weeks. A non-utility blue serge suit now costs £35 and a pair of cloth trousers £17! One customer having said he could not afford it came back because a London tailor proposed charging him £60. Inflation has started all right ! The jacket will take about three months.

Thursday,March 8th             

     Ivor Brown replied very promptly and rather illegibly to say he was doubtful.

     Decided to have the grandfather clock thoroughly overhauled, both what they call the going train and the striking chain, and the face re-silvered, in all £9=50=0

Sunday, March 11th

              Some readers of The Observer very angry as said Navy no longer first line of defence. Points out today that main object is to keep Russians away from Atlantic coast by defending Elbe, for under modern conditions with guided missiles occupation of Channel could make island uninhabitable.

              At any rate Ernie Bevin did rumble the Russians in 1945 – 46 and dug in his toes on Trieste in September and Persia in December. Public opinion had not caught up with the facts, but he did not hesitate. It was an act of courage. [Bevin resigned as foreign secretary on March 10th, 1951]

Wednesday March 14th

              Dress rehearsal of Henry IV i, went very well.

Thursday, March 15th 

            Henry IV was excellent. Michael [?] Droun as Prince Henry has immensely improved since two years ago he played Sir Lucius Trigger. Alpe as Hotspur spoke his lines well, though he had not the physique for the part. He spoke the great speeches in Act I, iii with spirit and understanding.

 

Friday, March 16th

              Mr and Mrs Brown came to supper and play. Afterwards old Brown said I bore a heavy responsibility for the fighting – and began to think so as on Saturday matinee Hotspur’s sword cut in the edge of the Prince’s shield and became wedged and at night the hilt jammed in the hole made in the afternoon! However no other damage to life, person or property.

Saturday, March 17th

              Nearly all children at matinee, how they coughed. A good audience at night, responsive. The audience on Friday dead at first. On Thursday sat in the front and the actors said they could hear me leading the laughter and applause. This was necessary !

Tuesday, March 20th

              End of term. Clem Clifford very disgusted as natives had put treacle on the door handle of his room, but otherwise quiet as lambs .

              Spent Sunday afternoon helping Eric Cunnington pack the formidable amount of costumes, swords and pikes, helmets etc. Altogether on taking of £45 were about £5 down. But that does not matter. We set our aim high, tackled something big, and brought it off thanks to Eric’s enthusiasm.

Thursday, March 22nd

              Picked up Mary and drove to Bear at Hungerford.

Good Friday, March 23rd

              Dull and windy. Drove to Inkpen. Began to drizzle, but before rain came down in buckets just got fire going and heated soup. Had tea at Marlborough. Dined and slept in very pleasant bedroom at The Bacon Arms, Newbury

             

Saturday, March 24th

              Reached Reading at 9.5, dropped Mary at Heelas and home before 10. Heard Oxford had sunk near start of boat race and umpire stopped Cambridge a little later.

Easter Day

              A sunny morning with white and grey clouds and strong cold west wind. Signs of spring, however, with celandine, a few primroses, the chestnut buds, and the bees bustling in with light-coloured pollen from the box.

Easter Monday, March 25th

              I got up at 8.30 and took Nora’s breakfast up to her in bed. That kept her quiet for a bit, but she cannot rest and by evening she had burnt herself out, cooking, writing, dressmaking, walking out dog, spring cleaning etc etc. I know few people more restless or more disorderly. The work she does with one hand she makes for herself with the other.

Tuesday, March 27th

              Went up to London, lunch at National Book League, then Nora wanted to visit Dr Johnson’s house in Gough Square. Up a narrow alley by Cheshire Cheese into a badly blitzed area in which this pleasant 18th century home is standing all by itself among publishers’ offices. The Dictionary itself could be consulted on the table in the hall. I promptly looked up « bugger » which I had once been told he defined as « a word of endearment among sailors » but found it was not included.

              Went to tea with Phyllis to see the new baby. He was rather a pathetic little waif with a large turned up nose and a receding chin. Very plaintive and cried, so Phyllis said, after every feed, whereas the other one, John, fat, contented and smiling like a young Henry VIII.

Friday, March 30th

              Fed bees. Have lost seven hives, eight left, and some of these weak.

              Reading a new life of Wells. Had many irons in the fire, novelist, reformer, scientist, historian, prophet and citizen of the new world order, but had little ability to clothe his ideas in workable institutions or political movements. An irritable and quarrelsome man. Married a cousin, went off with one of his girl students, married her when he had been divorced, found her unsatisfying too, had numerous mistresses and illegitimate as well as legitimate children.

1950 September

September.  Toughs on Temple Island. Bernard Shaw. Rearming West Germany. "All hurry and worry." Korea, 38th parallel

Friday, Sept 1^st
Went on river in canoe in afternoon with our tea as far as Greenlands. The statue no longer in the temple on Temple Island as some toughs removed it at Regatta and in trying to get away dropped it in the river.

1950 July

July. Lazy. Korea a try-out for Germany? Frau Paterna. Attrill as Quince. US bomber bases.

Saturday, July 1^st
Had planned to go down to Hilary to visit Penshurst but be rang up to say he was playing in a tennis match, so went on the Downs with Nora. Viper Bugloss, Lady’s Bedstraw, Rock Roses, Birdsfoot Trefoil, Purple Orchis in abundance and limes in lane leading up in full flower. We had a nice lazy day after a trying week at school, and chicken for supper too!

1950 June

June.  Stolarow. Brownes at Assenden. A foetus. School concert. Stanley Spencer. War in Korea.

Thursday, June 1^st
Two girls to Oxford. Shelley Memorial, Bodleian, Christ Church meadows, Cathedral Church, lunch in St John’s College Gardens, Ashmolean, New College, Keble, LMH Chapel, Rhodes House, Magdalen, very exhausted tea at Dorchester, abbey, and home 9.30 – 6.30. One doing history, the other art in Higher Certificate. They chatted pleasantly and had plenty to say, so that part was easy. Girls always more socially mature than boys.

1950 May

May. Charmian Auclair. Laymen allowed on BBC. Geoffrey Wickens. Sports Day: governors amiable. Nettlebed toughs.

Monday, May 1^st
School fotographed [sic]. It took an hour. Did some hard work in the garden in the evening, but am getting very fed up with these summer chores – bees, allotment, garden, leave you with little time in the best part of the year for leisure, strolling and contemplation.